Resistance

I’m in San Jose, Costa Rica, following a week-long Ayahuasca Retreat, it’s 4am and I’m wide awake.

Rather than resist, I’m up and writing. I can’t tell you how many books, articles, notes, poems I’ve written in my head all while laying in bed in the lead up to dusk. Only to wake up with writers block.

On this day I’ve decided not to resist, to open my laptop right now irrespective of the time of day, and to write.

And only as I’m typing am I realizing what a gift this is that’s come to me over the last seven days.

Enquiring into my resistance. Surrendering.

My first morning at Soltara I woke with a tickle in my throat, the familiar sensation that occurs right before we know we’re coming down with something.

With nothing to do but eat, sleep, journal and meditate, I intuitively decided to just let it go.

The next day I had a little cough for most of the day.

The following my nose dripped like a faucet.

And then it was gone. Three days. No resistance. No thinking about it, focusing on it, talking about it. No complaining. No trying to solve it by stuffing vitamins down my throat, sweating it out or turning to over the counter pharmaceuticals. Nothing. I just let it be.

It came and it went, and it was the easiest thing.

What else would flow through us, with us and for us, if we choose not to resist? If we become curious with our resistance and why we’re feeling it, rather than accepting it as real.

Resistance comes up continually, we don’t even realize that’s what it is. We’re incredibly well practiced at believing our own thoughts.

I need to go back to sleep, it’s too early to be awake. I’m getting sick, I can’t afford to be sick right now. These are not my people, I don’t want to talk to any of them. He / she is so loud, I hate loud people. This service is terrible, they need to fix it. Look at them showing off their money, wealthy people are all assholes.

My practice is to ask myself if my thoughts are real, and what is it in me that feels that way?

What would it mean if those thoughts weren’t real. What if these could be my people? What if the wealthy person is the kindest soul I’ll ever meet? What if I can easily move through being sick right now?

My practice is to see it, to feel it out, and to let it go.

To experience the magic that flows when I’m able to flow.

I don’t yet have words for everything I experienced on retreat, other than to share my love and respect for the medicine, for this earth, and for the ancient wisdom we in the West are finally starting to see for what it is.

This planet has everything we need, and inside of ourselves is a well of infinite wisdom, we just need to listen to her whispering to us. Calling us home.

Sarah Riegelhuth