Magic

Something kind of magical is happening.

The more I share, the better I feel. The more connection we’re creating, the better some of you are feeling.

Initially, when I share, I feel sick.

I get the vulnerability hangover I mentioned the other day. I question myself. Sarah, why on earth are you sharing so much? So publicly? So deeply?

I don’t have a clear answer to that. It’s a deep knowing. It’s beyond my ego self. It was the same voice that came to me in the middle of my breakdown, and told me to start writing my life.

I was sitting in the bathtub at my sister’s place in Hobart, candles burning, tears streaming down my face, trying to soak off all the pain. A voice said, write. Write your life. Start from the beginning, and just keep writing. You’ll know when to stop.

And so I did.

I literally hopped out of the tub, and into bed, cranked open my laptop and started with my earliest memory. Each day for the next few weeks, I wrote and wrote. It was painful, digging through memories like rummaging through a dirty trash can, bringing to light all the things that’d happened in my life I’d forever tried to forget. Things came up I had completely forgotten. Things I needed to see again.

It was healing.

It was clarity.

It was an understanding of the abandonment wounding that needed to heal. The little girl who stepped into an ‘adult’ role from a young age, and dealt magnificently with that, however pushed her own needs down in the process.

It was a deep knowing of why I seek love and validation externally.

It was an expression of truth, that would begin to set me free.

And these emails, and my social media content, is all being directed from that same inner voice. Share your story Sarah, share what’s happening. Just sit in your current truth, and talk about it. Share it.

It’ll help you, it’ll help others. It’s real.

And so that’s what I’ve been doing. And so I am healing.

Yesterday I felt a sense of inner peace I haven’t felt for some time. Today I woke up lighter. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I’m using my Daylio app to track my moods, and I’m treading carefully, I’m off alcohol and getting to know my body deeply, through meditation and yoga.

I’m doing The Work (Byron Katie’s liberating process) each day, sometimes twice a day, and it’s freeing me of thoughts I believe, that aren’t real (nothing is real), that are the cause of my suffering.

And so I’ll keep going.

In this moment of writing I’m feeling gratitude, to my inner voice, and to you, for being there. For reading, for connecting and for sharing your own healing journey.

It seems as though magic is happening for all of us, so let’s keep walking this journey together, side by side.

Sarah Riegelhuth